


Isn't It Pretty To Think So

by ifonlylifewereimmortal



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: A little angst, Canon Compliant, Immortality talks (ish), Magnus Bane is so pretty, but worth it, hi everyone!, post 3x05, relationships are hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 05:13:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14465793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifonlylifewereimmortal/pseuds/ifonlylifewereimmortal
Summary: Takes place right after the Malec angst of 3x05. Alec thinks about himself and his relationship with Magnus.





	Isn't It Pretty To Think So

“Never fall in love?"

"Always," said the count. "I am always in love.”

      -Ernest Hemingway,   _ The Sun Also Rises _

* * *

 

He hadn't gone into the conversation with the intentions of starting an argument (or a small disagreement perhaps; the concept of being in a relationship was still new enough to him that he wasn’t quite sure where the distinction lied). But, as Alec stood there slightly stunned, listening to the ridicously rare thing that was Magnus Bane raising his voice, the shadowhunter thought that perhaps an argument was the thing he had been searching for all day. Much like if he had gone too long without sparring with someone or killing some demons, Alec had felt jittery all day, like there was just  _ too much _ inside of him. Once the guilt of going through Magnus’s possessions without permission had ceded, thanks to the warlock’s admission of forgiveness, Alec realized the severity of the emotions that the stupid box had stirred up.

George, whoever he was, had gotten under his skin. Deep, deep under.

And, of course, Alec should have known that the box wasn’t full of only George’s things, but logic and emotions had never mixed well for Alexander Lightwood. And, although a lot about Alec had been changed over the last couple of months thanks to the magical being that was Magnus Bane, that part of the shadowhunter had not. Oil and water. Vampires and werewolves. Jace and intelligent decisions. Alec’s emotions and Alec’s logic.

So no, he hadn't gone into the conversation with the intentions of starting an argument, but standing in the apothecary after Magnus walked away with a sweet kiss and the promise of martinis, Alec realized that he needed a fight. Or an argument. Or a tiny disagreement. Or anything. Anything to distract him from his real concerns.

Because of course he didn’t care that Magnus kept objects to remember his old lovers by. Hell, Alec still had the necklace of his hottest trainer, and the sock of one of the nice and cute Shadowhunter trainees that had visited the Institute. Alec hadn’t loved those people, not at all, but he had been attracted to them, and he couldn’t bare the thought of letting go of that part of his younger self when his younger self had so little. So, Alec understood, or at least partially. He was sure that he couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain Magnus feels because of mortality and the warlock’s lack of it.

No. Alec was upset at himself. He was upset that he was mortal. That he would grow old and gray and be a burden on Magnus. That one day Magnus would have to say goodbye to him. Most of all, though, Alec was mad that he wanted a box all to himself. He wanted to be Magnus’s biggest memory. And wasn’t that the shittest thing ever. Alec was already going to die; there was no reason to make Magnus feel worse because Alec wanted so badly to be the most important memory Magnus had. It was just… Alec knew that Magnus would always be his most important. Always. It was so unfair to want Magnus, Magnus with his 17,000 memories, to feel the same.

Alec was also pissed that he opened the damned box because all of this could have been voided if he wasn’t so nosy. (Or if wasn’t constantly questioning how others saw him, but that was an issue for another day.)

“If you don’t get out here I’m going to drink your martini, and you don’t want that because I think I’ve outdone myself,” Magnus called from the other room, breaking Alec out of his spiral of self-damning, deprecating thoughts. The shadowhunter walked into the living room and saw Magnus already seated on the couch, legs propped up on his glass coffee table.

Alec took a second to register that the coffee table had been wooden this morning, but only a second, because the setting sun was creeping through the glass balcony doors in such a way that the natural light was illuminating every part of the warlock.  _ He’s so beautiful it hurts _ , Alec thought to himself. The shadowhunter liked to think he had a finely developed sense of self control, but  _ god _ those biceps. How Mangus managed to look so casually relaxed and supernaturally gorgeous at the same time was beyond Alec, but he knew that he was privileged to be one of the few who have had the pleasure to see the wonderful contradiction up close and personal.

_ I wonder if George saw Magnus like this. _ Great, the guilt was back. The anger had never left, but Alec knew that the sight of Magnus lounging, looking more like an angel than Alec could ever pretend to be despite his blood, would be enough to calm his issues for a bit. At least until the next morning. (And indeed, when the perfectly innocent act of making and eating french toast turned into another disagreement, Alec wouldn’t be surprised. Just angry. Because really, he was supposed to have self control.)

“Outdone yourself in terms of taste? Or amount of alcohol?” Alec asked, settling against Magnus’s body. The first time Alec had laid against Magnus he had been completely surprised and absolutely overwhelmed by how  _ solid  _ he was. An immovable, wonderful, fantastical, seemingly untouchable yet incredibly inviting force. Everlasting. Reliable. Constant. Immortal.

“The two, my darling, are not mutually exclusive,” Magnus said in a teasing, sing-songy voice. Now that the night (and the simple sedative that was being around Magnus Bane) had settled the fire in Alec’s veins, he could more easily see the love in his boyfriend’s eyes. He knew his pupils reflected the same emotion. He wished he could stop wondering whose eyes shined brighter.

Still, he laughed at Magnus’s comment because it was obviously meant to lighten the air, and all Alec wanted was for them to be okay. To be perfect. So he laughed, and leaned closer, and listened to Magnus talk about his home visit and how absolutely horrible it is to hear mundanes try to make jokes about warlocks.  _ They act like I’m hiding a lightning bolt on my forehead. Oh wait, you don’t understand that reference. Oh well, at least we have our next movie for date night _ . He listened, and talked, and kissed, and smiled, and let the evening run its course. He went to bed feeling not completely peaceful, but sedated. It was hard to focus on anything but Magnus beside him, underneath him, pressing against him. At some point he stopped trying to do so and just lost himself in his magical being. He fell asleep not thinking of fighting or mornings, of George or the future. He thought only of Magnus. Of the most important thing he feels. Of the most important thing he knows.

_ By the angel, I love him so _ .

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! Thank you for reading my works -- please let me know what you think!


End file.
